Going through some homework and listening to music it hit me: I want to go. I think I want to "go" more because I need something new and the feeling of being needed and wanted. After going through page after page of "How To Volunteer" I was sad to know that there was a huge commitment involved in being a missionary. Stupid to think that I could just go on a missionary trip and return unscathed. That is exactly what happened while we were in Sweden. Of course, we didn't set up the trips, we just followed suit.
After all that, I decided I don't care, I just want to get involved. The reality, I have to go through Mending the Soul 12 weeks in order to qualify. It makes sense, except for one thing, I am still in trauma counseling and I won't be joining a MTS group until I'm done with trauma counseling. Sometimes I hate the plan God has. I know that it will be better but the feeling right now is complete despair. I want to get involved and forget about me and I'm forced to spend this time focusing on me. Hate it.