Friday, July 30, 2010


I can't imagine looking at this little girl and thinking, "Wow, I want to have sex with her." It breaks my heart.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Portland is a Hot Spot

"Portland's Dark World of Child Sex Trafficking" (copy and paste link below)

I just can't imagine why it all panned out the way that it did. I was supposed to go to Oregon; Portland to be specific. I was supposed to go to school there for the next 3 or 4 years and get my degree from George Fox University. For some reason, God didn't allow that to happen. And now I wonder why. My heart is for women in trafficking and I would like to be the person opening businesses where these girls and boys are secure from pimps and given a new shot at life. I would also like to begin shelters specifically for women for the same reason. But why am I here now and not in Portland (after having read that news article)? What's God holding onto that I don't yet know about?

To be continued...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Black Sea: Summer spot or sex slave route

When people think of sex trafficking, they usually think of somewhere dark and scary. It happens everywhere and at all times. Here is a popular tourist spot where its virtually impossible to see who is a tourist and who is being trafficked...

Monday, July 26, 2010


God relaxes me. Today has been an extremely wound up day for me: thinking about the future and what's in store and all the things that need to get done. But then there's God and His resources and timing. My God has an infinite supply of love and answers. I feel like my stressing the issue makes me misunderstand Him and in turn, I don't really hear Him at all.

I am here for a reason. I don't need to try to make my place be known to all. If I war against the world without the help of God, essentially, I am warring against God. He created me with a purpose in mind and He is using my story to build people up and to make abuse more known.

If I forget who I am and try to be something I am not, I become my own enemy. I have tried to fix my situation time and time again and I know that it doesn't work. I can even know that by watching the people around me. At some level, we have all tried to fix our own problems without actually taking them to God. But what does it mean, taking them to God? For me right now - and I stated this in my other blog - it means that there is only so much I can do and I need to learn to entrust God with the fine details that I have no power over and no ability to control. I need to put all of the issues in my mind, out of my mind and leave them to the boss. Putting it this way, it's like I am doing my manager's job and he keeps telling me to focus on what I was trained for but I keep getting in His way, thinking I can do it better.

For someone who wants to become involved in helping sex trafficking this means that you need to step out and find an organization that you feel comfortable being part of and ask what you can do with the resources you've been given (i.e. organizing, giving money, listening skills, people person, etc.). We all have our places and talents to be given and received. Now if only we can coordinate our place with our wants and desires.

For me, this may be the most difficult thing I can do. As of right now, the only thing I can do for the women caught in the sex industry is pray and raise awareness. It's difficult to be in a place where I don't see anyone and can't experience the reality of helping a person in that position. However, I can see that I struggle very badly with wanting to be noticed for my achievements, it's always made me who I am. But the reality that is explained in the bible is that I am none of those things. Everything I do and don't do is but dust... I am a child of God and I am interceding on behalf of my brothers and sisters around the world. Join me in prayer.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Pay for the Answer, Not the Porn

Here's what bothers me: IT CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE!!! Humans are trafficked everyday all around the world even in some non-existent backwoods town that nobody has ever heard of except for those that have lived there. It means that people there won't say anything because there's a common census: don't say anything. I watch some of the girls in the little towns that I've been through and I can almost see the lie that they are living sometimes. Girls walking around acting "slutty" and having no sense of direction... they don't want to be there. Would you?

We need to fight the demand. I was searching through and found multiple porn movies without having to pay the price of porn... WHAT?! I didn't watch it but just reading the summary I could tell that it wasn't legal. How does this happen???!!!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Who are you God?

Sometimes I sit and ponder about the things that I've been through. I don't understand why all of those things had to happen to me. I don't understand why they really happen to anyone. It's hard to believe that everything is going to be okay when you have a size 14 boot kicking you in your chest.

Somehow I made it. But I'm not the only one. I don't see hopelessness. I don't see the end. I see God calling me to befriend the broken.

Imagine knowing nothing but fear your entire life. Not knowing if you'll survive through the night. It's beyond thinking you might lose your job. It's deeper than thinking that your best friend may have betrayed you.

When I think back to where I was, I see God. All of my life I had prayed. While my parents were screaming all night, keeping me awake, I thought of God. I imagined Him far away, watching, powerless. I sensed that, much like my mother, He wanted to help, but didn't know how. And similar to my father, He was ill. See, your parents make your image of God. Their actions (or lack-thereof) create an imagine in our minds of what God is like, especially our fathers. For some, dads are amazing, protecting, serving, loving. For some, like mine, fathers are scary, mean, perverted, manipulative, controlling, and filled with hatred.

God gave me the ability to think outside the box apparently because I SHOULD hate Him. By all psychological standards, I shouldn't have the ability to love, be loved or keep going. That's something you learn when you study humans.

When I see it all in perspective, I see God. Back to this, yes. I see Him because I shouldn't be alive. I see Him even more because every place He's ever sent me and people He's ever put in my life have had a long standing relationship with Him. He's done something for them, and He's been around in my life since I could remember.

Apart from all that, I have tried other things. I tried witchcraft, drugs, tarot cards, Ouija boards, meditation, astrology, palm reading, transcending your body... I went beyond experimentation but there was NO change around me, the only change was that I wanted to believe it was real. I wanted something to happen and I waited for it. It never came. I had scary experiences, yeah, but I realized that I am completely unable to control the future, my destiny, my fate, my whatever. There was no real reason to hold onto these things.

Then I tried believing in nothing. But after enough believing in nothing and feeding depression with thoughts of suicide for lack of stability and worth, I was done with that too. I never wanted to be depressed. I don't think anyone does, but after some time... that's all there is to see in life. People begin to think, "This is all I am or will ever be; depressed, friendless, hated, unwanted, unnecessary and burdensome." I believed all of these things but I wanted more, I wanted life, vitality, freedom! I wanted hope and love! Why on earth would I be the only person in this world that doesn't get the chance to be happy? Other people have made it, why can't I?

This began my search for freedom. I was given the drive to find all the traits of God in life. God is love. God is free. God is joy. God is protection. God is security. God is peace. God is.

As I seek Him (and I am actively pursuing Him as He pursues me) I realize, there is no love, no freedom, no joy, no protection, no security, no peace, no real life in this world. Of course you can find bits and pieces here and there. The people that quit their jobs and spend all their time and money on a third world country. People that adopt that unwanted child regardless of their money struggles. These people demonstrate love. The person that decides to advocate peace, however, will end up giving up protecting the ones he/she loves in the name of peace. The person that advocates protection for loved ones goes beyond boundaries and sacrifices another person's freedom.

You think you don't harm others, but their lives are as involved in yours as the contents of soup are connected. Some ingredients actually bond and form something else, other ingredients just sit in the same bowl, either way, they go to the same place.

My conclusion is that truth, freedom, love, peace, justice... they are known by God whom created everything. He knows what has happened with this world's twisted sense of life and He has given the only possible answer, one outside of ourselves. His answer is even beyond our thinking. We can't imagine how Christ brings our life closer to God.
But I don't want to.
I would never want to be love and watch my loved ones suffer.
I would never want to be truth and watch my people lie and deceive.
I would never want to be justice and watch evil go free.
I would never want to be peace and watch chaos rule my creation.

I suffer from being a product of the fall. I live in a hostile and lonely world. But God is my guide. He has brought people into my life to create security, love, life, happiness, freedom, and peace. He tells me to keep standing because He's holding my feet firm. He carries me when I stumble through fear and insecurity. He is and will always be. He won't leave me. He won't give up on me. He has forgiven my wrongs and teaches me right. My hope lies in Him and in Him alone. I have nowhere else to go and no reason to run from Him. I fear the unknown but He says it's okay. He gave me everything I could ever need and helps me to use them along the way. Jesus Christ made LIFE possible and I can't express in words how thankful I truly am for having a loving and personal God who wants nothing but the best for me.

Sweet success.

Child Trafficking and Women in Poverty

Sunday, July 11, 2010


This is a study I found that was done in 2001. I can only imagine how much these statistics have gone up within the last 9 years. The depth of this study is difficult to swallow and I only suggest it to people who really want to know reality.

Here are some excerpts taken from

"The international women interviewed in this study were predominantly from the former Soviet Union (13 of 15), and over half of the U.S. women were African American (13 of 25). The majority of international (80%) and U.S. women (83%) interviewed in this study entered the sex industry before the age of 25, many of them as children. Sixty percent of the international women had been in the sex industry before entering the United States. Seventy-three percent of international women had no or very little English language proficiency while in the sex industry in the United States. The majority of international women arrived in the country on tourist visas (53%) and other legal means, while others were trafficked in with the use of fraudulent travel papers."

“Often the servicemen marry prostituted women around military bases abroad, bring them to the United States and pressure them into prostitution.”

“Most trafficking organizations were small, with only one to five people involved, although there were a few large (6-15 people) and very large (50-100 people) networks reported. Husbands and boyfriends acted as pimps for some of the international (20%) and U.S. (28%) women.”

“Conditions facilitating recruitment of women include economic desperation and disadvantage,lack of a sustainable income, and poverty--all of which are preyed on by recruiters, traffickers and pimps.”

“Pimps recruit young, vulnerable U.S. women in malls and clubs by befriending and creating emotional and drug or alcohol dependencies to entrap them. Pimps are also adept at preying upon women’s vulnerabilities. Coercion and violence are also used.”

“Many of the U.S. (62%) and international (29%) women are domestically trafficked inside the United States. These trafficking patterns are diverse with international women transported from the East to the West coast, from the South to the Northeast, and from urban to rural and rural to urban districts. Similarly, U.S. women are domestically trafficked across city, state and even national borders.”

“Twenty percent of the international and 28 percent of the U.S. women had intimate relationships with the men who pimped them. They and other victims described classic dynamics of battering that evolved into pimping. Emotional and physical coercion were used to break the women’s resistance to entering prostitution. Pornography was used as an “educational tool” with many (50%) of the international women. For some, stripping was the entrance point into the sex industry, after which they were constantly pressured into prostitution.”

“Methods used to control women in the sex industry included: denying freedom of movement, isolation, controlling money, threats and intimidation, drug and alcohol dependencies, threatened exposure of pornographic films, and physical and sexual violence.”

"Community Involvement
Community involvement is essential to prevention, prosecution and protection. Media, law enforcement and social service providers must be sensitive to the complexities of community participation in anti-trafficking campaigns, especially within immigrant communities. Communities should not bear the resource burden alone. There should be a joint effort of government, women's and community groups to act quickly on behalf of trafficking victims and to provide long-term assistance.
Government should work with a variety of community-based groups to design and implement victim services and support networks in various regions of the country."

I would like to see a more recent statistical paper such as this one. I think it's sad that all of this information is only based on 128 people. What if we saw trafficking for what it really is? What if we looked at the girl that always walks past our store with compassion rather than disgust and hatred? What if? Do you think that we can change this?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

How did she come this far?

She's beautiful. Her life has been relatively normal to the world's standards. When she turned 16 she had already been experimenting with different drugs and drinking for some time. Her family wasn't all too concerned with her decisions as long as she stayed in school.
When she was 10 her uncle had already molested her at least twice when he came to visit. When she was 14, her boyfriend decided that they should have sex. He said she owed him at least that much. With hesitancy, she complied. The only person in her life who really knew much about her was her boyfriend and she couldn't risk losing him. After their first time, he broke up with her, claiming that she was too clingy and he began dating her best friend.
Starting college with not-so-good grades, no real friends and bills piling up, she needed money fast. A "friend" who knew her older sister had been stripping for some time and said that she can pull in a thousand in no time. With all that money, she could go to school, pay off her loans, pay off her car, whatever... It's no biggy. She figures it will be over in no time so what's the harm.
Within her first few hours the little girl who never had a protector is unveiled. Men twice her age are staring through her soul and consuming her heart with their desires. She can't cry, not now. A co-worker shows her her stash of coke. She's done cocaine before and maybe it could help, she can't let these people think that there is something wrong with her or they won't tip and that's what she depends on. Her next round on stage she feels great. Nothing in this world can stop her now. She's obtained everything that she's ever wanted. She is being wanted...almost needed... by so many men. They depend on her now. Their hearts are hers to hold sacred.
What happened here? She got started to get through school... at 25 with no degree, a slew of perverted and abusive boyfriends and one-night stands, no real friends besides her fellow strippers, no contact with her family and a drug addiction that's consuming every moment of her life, she begins to see how far she's really come. How could this go on for so long? It began to help and now she strips to pay for drugs and takes drugs to strip! That's her life and there's no going back. No where to really go.

Then one night, a group of ladies walk in. They don't want anything. They come in to say that God loves her. What a load of crap... God doesn't love her, nobody loves her. She's taken care of number one since day one, thank you to absolutely NO ONE. They leave.

Same thing next week. And the following...

Now this is just annoying. She wants to know what they hell is wrong with them.

They give her a hug. The first contact she's had from someone that doesn't want anything in return... wow. How did that happen?? What happened?? She doesn't know, but it felt good. NO... these people suck. She tells herself how much she really hates these people. It makes more sense. It would hurt far too much to think that they actually cared.

But obviously something is going on because they keep on coming back and talking to her about her struggles and they provided phone numbers she could call or websites she could visit. Could this be it? Could it really be a way out? Does God really care? Did HE really send them? For her?

This is just a taste of real life for these girls. In their lives, it is DANGEROUS to hope. It's problematic to have faith. Everyone and everything has let them down, what's different now? God's in control but they don't believe that, but I do and hopefully you do to. This means that no matter how improbable it seems, that is God's Daughter and He loves her and He wants her to be free, so it WILL happen.

*This is not a real story but rather an illustration.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Open to change and 20 to boot!

As I go on about my life, I feel more and more free from the suffocation caused by abuse. One thing is for sure, I can't step away from the pain I feel when I think about the girls out there; the girls being posted on stage like dancing manikins for all to "try out" and see if they like the merchandise. I've never been a stripper. I've never sold my body for money, but I've had all integrity stripped away and turned into shame.

I had a hard childhood and teen years. Very few people wanted to help or even knew how. It's the same for the women and children being trafficked. There are girls half my age with more men under their belt and anxiety in their hearts. Their emotions have completely shut down so that their minds no longer register that anything is wrong. These girls should be noticed. They should be cared about. Their lives should be featured and stories be told. More places should be opened in their honor. More hearts should break for them. More mother's should get to see their daughters again. We should do something. We should get involved.

My goal is that over the next year I can get involved with foundations and non-profit organizations to bring about awareness. I want access to statistics, organizations, people, help, and ways to donate your time or money to be at your fingertips. Hopefully by this time next year we will all be drowning in information. Looking forward to it and stay tuned. =)